Andrei Podell

Dear Andrei

It’s been a few weeks since your passing – and it’s still hard for me to believe.  When I heard that you were gone of course I didn’t believe it…. we had just spoken on the phone the day before.  I tried to call you a few times, once at your home, heard your outgoing message, and then called your cell phone.  It told me that your number was disconnected.  I got the pit in my stomach at that point and of course, I knew.

Since that time, I’ve been in somewhat of a state of disbelief.  I see the website with all of the blog entries – from Stefan, your mom, people who know you very well.  There are a few photos there, too.  Ones of you, and of course, Luckie, who is such a sweetie.  One of my favorite memories of one of our phone conversations was a time where I could hear Luckie in the back ground, barking…your soft soothing calm voice assuring her that all was ok.  I imagine that you could have talked to people that way…people you would hold close .Your friends, Melissa, your family…you had the ability to make us feel secure, strong, confident.

Our times on the phone and in person, you always had a way of making me feel so great.  You were an ally for me.  A friend that I felt really understood me. There was such an incredible connection we had, work, life, friends…at E-Myth in all of our years there together, it was the only time I felt someone there really understood me, my point of view, my angst, my love of that great work.  I so enjoyed working with your clients.  I considered them an incredible gift just to get one.  They were the best kind of client, as I knew you took incredible care of them as they were going thru their decision making process.  Once you got to CBS I also had a chance to work with Hal and Rick, who are both going to be fantastic clients.  You were able to touch their souls, help them realize what was important for their lives.  They bring that with them as I work with them.  Helping them get what it is that they want but were afraid to grab by themselves.

I miss you so much.  I haven’t really cried but I find myself tearing up now, just for thinking of you.  I can still hear your voice, that calm low sweet tone, always with a smile, care, and love.  You are truly a friend, wonderful man, who I loved very deeply for who you are, your energy, passion, care, and intelligence.  Your unwavering determination to make things right, live life, and make sure others get what it is that they want.  And some how, you thrived on that…it was enough for you to see others smile, live, and gain.  The word “connection” defines my experience of you….you were such an influence in connections.  Always thinking who should know who, work with who, talk with who…and anyone who had the pleasure to work with you gained just by being in connection with you.

I miss you and for very selfish reasons.  I feel like someone who cared for me, who understood me, who weeded thru all the crap to get to the core, who never stopped at level one, who always dug for the real…my champion, my true friend – is now silent.  When you passed, I felt like a part of who I am, how I’m validated, and how I really want to be seen, left with you.  No one in my professional life knows me the way you do.  In some important ways, I became the coach I am today because of you.  I’m sad, I’m lonely, and I’m angry.

I’m looking ahead to what I will do, and of course it will be to move on…with a little less joy for a while, but knowing you, I’m moving on with confidence, clarity and strength.   I want to carry your heart with me, your insights, your perspective…your desire to connect, to make it work, so that we can all get what it is that we want.

Andrei, my friend…  I miss you.  You were special and warm and loving and kind.  I’ve learned that its important to make sure that everyone I love should know how I feel, as I did that night with you on the phone…telling you that you were one of my most favorite people in the world.  It made you giggle and smile and I’m glad.  It made me strong and I’m even more grateful than you realize.  I hope you see me now, and know. If I could ask that you stay with me, in spirit, as I navigate thru this time in my life.  Watch and support, and just be.
I love you.

My thanks and love, and forever thoughts and dreams…

Rem

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.